A note to Democrats: What are you so worried about?

With the recent mid-term elections pretty much over now, one thing has become clear, and that is that the Republican party has seized the opportunity to return to its old, cucked self, wherein they happily lose every election  they can get away with losing.  And yet, the Democrats remain worried that the “Blue Wave” they were  hoping for didn’t actually materialize.

Why are Democrats so worried? Do they not recognize how effectively the GOP managed to lose this November? This is great news for the Democrats! The Republican party is back to its glory days of Mitt Romney, John McCain and Paul Ryan, accomplishing as little as they possibly can while keeping those donations rolling in! They even managed to get Scott Walker, one of the few effective Republicans in the country, to lose to some upstart nobody Democrat in the Wisconsin governor’s race!

So, here’s my special memo to the Democrats:

Don’t worry, you just keep your eyes peeled and stay alert and you’ll be running this country with no effective GOP opposition within one or two more election cycles. It’s a virtual certainty.  In fact, the Republicans are already leaps and bounds behind where they were in 2016, as evidenced by your seizure of the House of Representatives, defeat of Scott Walker, and other victories.

How so, you might ask?

Do you recall that old Peanuts cartoon where Lucy repeatedly pulls away the football every time Charlie Brown tries to kick it? No matter how many times it happens, Lucy always pulls the ball away, and Charlie Brown never gives up thinking that maybe this time is the time when Lucy will finally play fair and allow him to kick the ball. Charlie Brown always plays fair, therefore Lucy should eventually relent and allow him to kick the ball, right?

Democrats, don’t worry. You are Lucy. The Republicans are Charlie Brown. You can go on cheating with impunity, because it’s obvious that the Republicans are never going to give up being Charlie Brown. They’ll never give up hope that you’ll play fair, and they’ll never put forth any serious complaint when you inevitably don’t. They’ll always come back for one more kick, and, so long as you remember to actually pull the ball away from them, they’ll always lose.

So, why did they win so big in 2016? Well that’s easy: Trump grabbed the ball early, and he kept it for the entire game. You got caught with your pants down. That election was yours to win, just like all the others. As always, the Republican party did everything they could do to prevent themselves from winning, but they weren’t counting on Trump either. If he hadn’t come along, their brilliant masterplan to lose the election to Hillary Clinton would have worked, easily.

Nobody expected Trump to grab the ball before the Democrats or anyone else even realized what was happening. Trump pulled the ball away from his fellow GOP candidates when they went for the kick, as evidenced by the party giving him the nomination even though they very obviously didn’t want to. The Clinton team tried the standard array of Democrat dirty tricks in the general campaign, of course, but at that point they made another big mistake: they expected Trump to just lay down and take it. They expected him to compliantly fall back into the role of Charlie Brown, like any other GOP nominee would have. They didn’t realize Trump was Lucy this time, and Lucy doesn’t take any shit from anybody.

So: Grab that ball early, before anybody else does, hold on to it, and offer it up to the Republicans for the kick, as usual. They’ll go for it, as they always do. Pull it away like normal, and the election is yours. Easy peasy.

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